Intimacy or Intensity?

What kind of relationship do you desire? Does something not “feel right” about a current relationship? Here is a quick checklist describing intimacy and intensity:

Intimacy                                Intensity          

Trust                                       Lack of trust

Safety                                      Fear

Respect                                  Disrespect

No secrets                              Secrecy

In an intimate relationship, there is mutual healthy disclosure and honesty about who you are and what you feel. The safety in this allows each partner to see both the good and bad qualities in each other in a realistic way. In an intense relationship, there are bitter arguments, violence and idealization that lead to devaluing who you are. The unhealthy intensity of the relationship distracts each partner from doing the work needed to become emotionally healthier.

Source: Psychology Today